We can do better

This week, for the second time in a year, the unacceptable behavior of a high profile man in the Drupal community has been the topic of public discussion and debate. This time the organizations involved acted more clearly and rapidly, if imperfectly. The issue came to the forefront during #metoo campaign, and again showed that the Drupal community reflects the world around us. I listened to friends and colleagues respond in various ways to the events and to the recognition of several men that they had been allowing this behavior to go on right in front of them for years without intervention. It is clear that in Drupal, like in all parts of our society we can – and must – do better.

As I reflected on these discussions this weekend I read back through some posts from Danah Boyd I’d read a while ago and stashed with my list of ideas of topics for blog posts. In particular I read her comments from last March on how failures to understand people’s hate fuels it and then a piece I had initially missed from July on change in the tech community. Her experiences and perspective are worthy of a few minutes read in their own right, but this week her views seem particularly timely.

One of the things that struck me about Boyd’s piece from July was her clear simple ask:

…what I want from men in tech boils down to four Rs: Recognition. Repentance. Respect. Reparation.

To me the first two are painfully obvious and most men who care about these issues have been working through those for a while now (too many men still need to learn to care at all). I count myself among the group of men who care, and the this post is mostly directed at that group of peers.

More and more you will hear men acknowledge they believe women are telling the truth, recognizing there are more stories we don’t hear than we hear, and apologizing for their own actions or inactions in the past. But of course just believing people and saying sorry doesn’t get us very far. The next two on Boyd’s list are the places where real forward looking change comes from.

Respect should be easy, but too often it is the first place we get into trouble. It is the part her call to action that will always be true no matter what future progress we make on these issues. Respect is an ongoing act requiring constant care, attention, and effort. Meaning to be respectful is not the same as actually being respectful. It requires actively listening to the ideas of women and people of color and considering them as fully as you do anyone else’s. It means tracking in yourself when you fail to do listen and making the personal change required to do better going forward. It includes monitoring our own behavior in meetings, hallway interactions, and one-on-one discussions to make sure you understand how you are being perceived differently by different people – your friendly or silly gesture to one colleague could be insulting or threatening to another. Respect is not something special that women and people of color are suddenly asking for, it’s something that we all already knew we should be extending to all our colleagues but too often fail to show. And when we fail to show true respect for coworkers – regardless of why we failed or which demographic categories they fall into – it’s our responsibility to recognize it and repent.

Finally Boyd also calls for Reparations. Reparations is a word that lots of us fear for no particularly defendable reason since it’s just about attempt to undo some of the harm we’ve benefited from. And in this case her ask is so direct, plain, and frankly easy that I’m giving her the last words:

Every guy out there who wants to see tech thrive owes it to the field to actively seek out and mentor, support, fund, open doors for, and otherwise empower women and people of color. No excuses, no self-justifications, no sexualized bullshit. Just behavior change. Plain and simple. If our sector is about placing bets, let’s bet on a better world. And let’s solve for social equity.

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